Five artists we’d like to see on the “Eclipse” soundtrack
With only a little bit more than a month away from its June 8th release, speculation is rampant over the final tracklist for Twilight’s Eclipse soundtrack—and with names like Muse and Adam Lambert currently being whispered about, the album is looking like a safe summer bet. That is, obviously, to be expected.
But we wanted to know: What if the film’s producers decided not to play it safe? What if the Death Cab For Cuties and Paramores were all left off the invitation list? What if the music came from a selection of artists with a connection to vampirism that goes beyond wearing black nail polish? These are the central questions of our time!
So consider this an open letter to the music supervisors responsible for Twihard iPods everywhere: If this album is teeming with more I’m Not a Goth, Not Yet a Vampire–type bands, you’ve missed a serious opportunity. Here, then, is a list of five artists we’d love to see on the Eclipse soundtrack, but probably won’t.
As an overall rule, bands with seven people in them are generally scary whether its Slipknot or Dave Matthews Band—mostly because you always feel like there’s one dude in the group whose only job is to cut you if you get too close to the lead singer at a show. That said, Dr. Acula (pictured above) makes our fantasy soundtrack list for more compelling reasons.
Besides being named after, you know, the greatest vampire of all time, this Long Island–based group is essentially responsible for “party grindcore”—a style of music so unnecessary that if they hadn’t invented it for real, someone would have made it up as a joke. Scarier than that, however, is the mono-named Joey—one of their, like, two or three singers—who once described his lyrical vision as “good weed, shitty day-jobs, girls on the internet, sluts, and standing up for yourself.” Twilight producers take note: These guys are your demo.
Song we’d like to see on the final tracklist: “Is This a Party Or A Dick-Measuring Contest?”
There are few people in this world more paradoxical than God Seed vocalist Gaahl. As the singer for Norway’s Gorgoroth, he went from a diabolical self-proclaimed Satanist—whose performances were flanked by four naked models, covered in blood and hanging from crosses—to a reclusive but openly gay man dating one of Scandinavia’s better-known fashion designers. But hey, even vampires keep secrets.
Gaahl’s major qualification for our fantasy soundtrack, however, stems from a 2004 incident in which the singer was sentenced to 14 months in jail for threatening “to ‘sacrifice’ a man and drink his blood during a night of terror.” Even though real-life blood drinking might be enough to send Robert Pattinson and his prosthetic fangs running, we think Gaahl deserves a second chance—and so does his mother. “My son is a vegetarian and very fussy about food. He eats absolutely no innards. That is why I do not believe this at all,” she told the court.
Song we’d like to see on the final tracklist: “God Seed (Twilight Of The Idols)”
Vampires might get all the media attention, but it wouldn’t be Twilight without shape-shifting werewolves. That’s where Ryan Adams comes in: In December of 2006, the crazy-prolific singer-songwriter decided to release eleven albums in one day. (Hey, it was a slow week.) Among them was Feel The Laser, the 26-song debut album from his heavy metal alter-ego Werewolph.
The fact that the man behind songs like “Skeletons Are Basically Awesome As Hell” is married to Mandy Moore is enough to secure the kind of crossover potential that the Twilight saga is known for. But Werewolph is more than just a Ryan Adams side project: If you’ve heard their totally unpalatable version of Creed’s “Higher,” you’re probably jonesing to see Taylor Lautner’s wolfpack run along with it as much as we are.
Song we’d like to see on the final tracklist: “Dead People Unite And Take Over”
Australian singer-songwriter Sia already struck paydirt once with dead people in 2005: Her hit single “Breathe Me” became the memorable closing number for the Six Feet Under series finale—literally kickstarting a domestic career that was, up until that point, nonexistent. But is that enough to warrant an interview with a vampire?
Well, we hate to be the ones to point this out, but Sia kinda has more in common with Edward and Bella than anyone else on this list. There probably isn’t a more eloquent way to point this out, but… have you seen that bottom tooth? No rush to speculation here, but in the prudent words of Wu-Tang Clan, you might want to protect ya neck.
Song we’d like to see on the final tracklist: “Bring Night”
In 1992, a Norwegian teenager named Varg Vikernes adopted the name Count Grishnackh and changed black metal history forever. As a member of Mayhem, the Count was an acceptable yet fairly unremarkable bass player, but we’ll remember him most for what he did in his spare time—you know, stuff like burning down churches and murdering his guitar player.
If you don’t see the connection yet, consider this: Last year it was announced that Jackson Rathbone—Eclipse’s adorable Jasper Hale—was cast in the role of Count Grishnackh for a movie adaptation of the seminal black metal history book Lords of Chaos. Rathbone eventually pulled out, citing scheduling conflicts, but the Twilight–Grishnackh connection was firmly established — despite Vikernes’ insistence that Hollywood is full of “ignorant amateurs.” (We’re pretty sure he doesn’t mean you, David Slade!)
Therefore, it seems only right that Varg’s latest musical project, Burzum, grace the big screen this summer. But we kind of understand why our wish will go unfulfilled: It’s one thing to kill people in the movies, but stabbing your guitar player 23 times in his underwear isn’t even cool for a Count.
Song we’d like to see on the final tracklist: “Feeble Screams From Forests Unknown”
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